The other night, I woke up suddenly, my whole body tingled with fear and "what the hell". I thought oh my goodness, a lot of people bought my book. Now they'll probably read the damn thing. Why did I write that? Then, I managed to go back to sleep but the invitation was there. What invitation, you ask? The invitation to heal that part of me that still worries what others think of me.
Writing a book or maybe more accurately, publishing a book might be the scariest thing I've done yet. And then when I try to think of the weirdest, craziest thing I wrote, I can't remember a word of it, nothing from the entire book.
And then I find my way back into my heart, and I remember it's okay what you think of me. You get to think whatever you want. That's your deal. It's only important what I think of me. But we're taught to think something different aren't we? Our thought train can go off the tracks pretty quickly worrying about what other people think about us. And then we might even try to guess and agree with our guesses, no matter how off the track they really are.
So, I'll keep writing, being weird, asking crazy questions to go further off the path, deeper into the darkness. A wanderer into all things mystical, all things that matter, the things you feel more than prove. Not really science but something some science is starting to scratch at.
I'll ask the questions many of us ask, even if we don't have the courage to ask them out loud. What truth can we allow in this now moment, to serve our highest good?
There are times when our fears, hidden hurts, overwhelm our love, and we project all the limits of our ego instead of the vast love of our soul.
When we post about the "other" political party seeing our differences, and amplifying those differences, we are projecting ego. When we judge others, ourselves, we are projecting ego. When I wake up startled with fear that you have actually read my book, I am projecting ego, sitting in my fear. And I can take that fear and ask it to speak to me. Sit with it and learn from it, remember that my fear or my anger, hate is really my unconscious beliefs and fears asking to be healed.
Maybe we can learn to see the ego for what it is and break free, moving back to our true self.
There is a book called "The Untethered Soul" by Micheal Singer. It's so wonderful. In the book Singer writes:
"Right now, many fragmented parts of your psyche are held within you. If you want to be free, it all has to be equally exposed to your awareness and released. But it will never get exposed if you're closing yourself. After all, the purpose of closing was to make sure that the sensitive parts of your psyche don't get exposed. So you catch on that no matter how much pain the exposure creates, you are willing to pay that price for freedom..."
He goes on to talk about "seeing the tendency to protect and defend yourself."
Sometimes we do that, protect ourselves, by projecting. We criticize or fight others. Politics is an easy one to see that in, especially now. If there are others, if I'm criticizing you, I don't have to look within. But if I do that, I'll never be free. If we can stop looking out, stop worrying about "the other" and look inward, just observe without judgement, we can slowly be free. Just once, right now...allow the thoughts to just be thoughts, observe them and release attachment. Feel into your body and let love rise up. And then you can be free to build, create and free to follow your inspiration to make OUR world a better place, whatever path that takes you down.
It's simple. Challenging but simple. And so worth it.
So, go on and let your LOVE be bigger than your fear.
You are loved.
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